Ahem, hi. :) So, it's been a while, per usual. Last week was spent enjoying every single day of my vacation to the Outer Banks with my family. Literally, I was just so...comfortable, the entire week. And it was fantastic. During this time, I was on Instagram, and a quote account I follow, zynp, posted a quote that really really resonated with me and how I was feeling:
"If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present."
-Lao Tzu
Eureka! I was at peace. I finally followed my own advice and I lived in the moment. I didn't worry about how many days were left in the week, how many hours in the day, or even what was for breakfast the next morning. Nope, for the first time in a long time, I simply did what I wanted until I wanted something new, and it was great. Of course there were moments when my own time was cut short by an invitation to do this or that with a family member, but doing things with them were pleasant too, and nothing I was doing couldn't be paused or wait until tomorrow to continue enjoying. It was absolutely a beautiful, refreshing experience, and, finally, my head felt clear and empty in a good way.
Unsurprisingly, the feeling didn't quite make it home with me, because with a long car ride, I had plenty of time to return to worries about the disarray I had left behind at home.
But then again, vacations aren't permanent, they are meant to be refreshers to prepare us for another stint of dealing with regular life. So, whenever the fear comes creeping up again, at least now I have the ability to remember how wonderful I felt last week, and that a deep breath can go quite a long way.
And today, in the frustrating grasp of the expansive internet, I felt myself wasting away another beautiful morning, and I felt the panic of that unproductive behavior and an empty wasted day coiling around me like a boa constrictor yet again. So I got out the list I'd made Sunday night to be completed on Monday (I'm literally like the world's worst completer of lists I make for myself, haha), and, since I had drifted to lists of majors at colleges in my feeble attempt at productive internet activities, I decided to open back up my cobwebby (that's a real word?! There's no red squiggle underneath and I am so surprised!) Common Application that I had started months ago post-counselor session. And actually, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not only mostly done, but the things I needed to fill in were quick and easy, and just like that, I have now actually finally applied to another college, after over a year of saying I would. It's...done. And it feels wonderful! Finally, I have done something good for myself using just a spare bit of time in a day without any other requirement of myself. And now, why not take my favorite book (The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham, have I mentioned that previously? If I have, I'm not sorry, because it deserves to be constantly mentioned and you need to go find it and read it, like, NOW) outside, set up the hammock, and enjoy this day which has turned out to be absolutely gorgeous? The sun's come out and I feel happy :)
As a quick wrap-up here to explain the title of this post, I have to tell a tale from four years back to my travels to Europe, which I will shamelessly mention for the millionth time in something I'm writing.
While in Wales, we met up with a group called FullOn which basically deals with empowering kids and exposing them to character-building activities. With this group of energetic, bubbly Australian, Kiwi (New Zealanders), and Welsh 20- or 30-somethings, we used just our hand or foot to break a 1-inch thick slab of wood and learned about the RAS (Reticular Activating System), a part of your brain which deals with picking up on the main idea of a thought and so will ignore words like no (e.g. if you were to say "I never fail tests," the RAS only hears "I fail tests"). thus speaking in positive terms only (e.g. instead, saying "I always pass tests") will make you naturally more confident and frequent in your success! With all this great information in our heads, we made our way over from their facilities to Penrhyn Castle on an estate west of Bangor to prepare to repel down an 80-foot tower! I'm a pretty active and daring thing, but once I was inside the tower waiting to go up to the top platform that we would repel from, I became very frightened and apprehensive. Once I got to the top, my helper from FullOn, Emi, was as sweet as could be and helped me up into position on the top of the tower. It had been overcast all day so far (I know, shocking for Wales), but as soon I was on the top corner of the tower, frozen with fear, the sun poked through the clouds, lighting up the day! Emi said to me, "See! The sun came out for you!" And then started singing "I'm Walking on Sunshine" as I sang back the "Wooaahhh" part and began to inch my way down the wall. Before I knew it, I was over the hardest cusp and enjoying myself thoroughly. The rest of the way down was a piece of cake and I loved every second. I have no idea if it was anything special to Emi, but it made an absolute impact on my life, her simple joy and happiness distracting me so that I could enjoy the journey over the hardest bit. Oh, and the sun went away after I made it to the bottom and never came back out again that day, so how's that for special?
If you're going over the tip-top of your tower, I know it's scary, and I know it's hard, but never forget to sing along on the way :)
