Crack in the Armor

I'll be honest, I've gotten my fair share of lucky breaks in life, and I'm not used to dealing with failure. However, I've recently found that I cannot rely on my brain alone if I want to succeed. I actually failed an exam. In college. I cannot believe those words are true, but they are, and it's completely my fault. When things come up that I don't like, I divert and avoid, I hide behind anything and everything until I escape completely. However, apparently biology doesn't work that way. I did everything I could, literally, to not study for this exam. I pushed it farther and farther down my list of priorities until suddenly, I hadn't studied, and it was time to take the test. I tried, but due to crazy construction on my route to school, I barely made it to class on time and was still worked up. If I had simply sat down and read over my notes even, I would have done worlds better, but I realized that with about 10 minutes before I had to leave for school.
So now what?
Well, in all honesty, I have to conquer one of my least favorite things and actually go talk to my professor. I can't explain why, but I am not one to go for help. At the very worst situation, I'll ask a peer. He's already giving us fifteen possible bonus points since the class average for the test was a 51%. However, I need to talk to him about my possibility of staying in his class. Why pay for a C right? But at the same time, I'm so ashamed of my failure that I want to do nothing more but stay in his class and right my wrong. I feel like dropping the class is avoiding the issue and is humiliating. It's a shame that the drive to succeed is coming five weeks into school, but I know that I really can succeed if I put my mind to it here.
I am kind of notorious for not matching intent with action. I have so many dreams and plans, but I don't always follow through (for example, my plans to post something about fashion last week...sorry!). That is my thing to change in myself from now on.

On the plus side, I see beauty every day as the leaves change and two of my friends come home this weekend, so hopefully that helps my loneliness, at least temporarily. Also, tomorrow my Poppop turns 92! He's one of my absolutely favorite people on the planet, he always has a piece of advice to give, and he always tells me to follow my heart :) Tomorrow morning I'll try to sit for a few quiet minutes and just clear my mind. I really need to think about what's best for me, despite what anyone else says. There's too much chatter about it lately and I feel so muddled.

Also, on the subject of music, someone you NEED to know, is Lights. Her music is a wonderful version of pop/electronic, but not overwhelmingly so at all! Her new album even involves dubstep in a way that I swear can be enjoyed by anyone. And some of her songs are so sweet and beautiful. She's been around for years and my has she grown, it's incredible to watch because she's still such a wonderful, down-to-earth person. A couple tracks I really love are Drive My Soul, February Air, Banner, River, Last Thing on your Mind, Where the Fence is Low, Saviour, and Toes. I probably forgot one, but anyway, check her out!! Also, make sure you look at her acoustic stuff, because holy crap it can be even better than studio sometimes, she's just so talented!


The picture is from somewhere in Ontario on one of the most beautiful mornings I've seen.

Have a good night everyone! :)