Rain or Shine

Well, it's well and truly spring, and the weather is as variable as can be.
Thankfully however, the thermometer's been hovering around jacket temps lately, so away with the winter clothes and hello spring clothes!

...except, as I realize every spring, it's rather hard for me to dress in spring. Your mind says shorts and sandals, but your body says put that fleece jacket back on, crazy, the wind's still blowing! So, with a super simple investment in a couple pairs of black tights, I've found my new favorite spring outfit: a chunky sweater tucked into belted jean shorts over black tights, and black suede booties. And as the the title indicates, it works in the craziness of spring weather! (though I recommend maybe a different material of booties for those rainy days, unfortunately I'm not very gentle on possessions haha, so my booties got a taste of the rain)

Sun:
 This was my outfit for Easter Sunday, and it worked perfectly for the sunshine we were enjoying!

Sweater- Forever 21, Belt- Forever 21, Jean Shorts- Ruff Hewn, Tights-Forever 21.

Sunglasses-Nine West (Marshall's)

 I bought these sunglasses after loving them in the store, but felt a little unsure of them later, as they aren't my usual Wayfarer-esque shape, but, as you can see from my happily posing face, I'm now OBSESSED with them! Love the difference in the roundness of the frames.

 My stepsister and cousin decided to chalk our hair while drawing on the driveway, I've always wanted to do this and loved the effect. I'm gonna have to get legit hair chalk to try out over the summer!

Booties- Z London (DSW)

Rain:

Last week, the April showers began to really reign after a couple weeks of wonderful sunshine. But, I do love rain when it's warmer out, and decided to again use the shorts and tights combo.

Sweater- Chaps, Belt- Forever 21, Shorts- Ruff Hewn, Tights, Forever 21

 I loved the red of the sweater to brighten up the gray day, and it was warm and chunky enough to keep me cozy.

And, of course no outfit would be complete without a little arm party, today I kept it simple with a leather and gold watch, and my always bracelets: a green and magenta friendship one, and a green leather one that one of my best friends brought back from Ireland! 

I have always loved this look and finally got the confidence (and clothes--black tights are essential, seriously, why did I not own any before) to try it out, and I'm so glad I did!! Good luck in your spring dressing, I for one can't wait for more sunshine and warmth!

Have a wonderful week! xx

Back in the Saddle/A New Direction

Well, it's been a while again. I was having a great year, but then life threw me a couple of curveballs having to do with my family, and I needed to be away for a long while. Things are all right now, just hectic and scary and sad for a while. First, we found out in January that my mom had breast cancer. So thankfully, they found it very early before it spread, and in a whirlwind month, we went from diagnosis to surgery after which she was declared cancer free! She is doing very well now (:
Then, in February, my grandma passed away. She is the first one of my grandparents to die, and I don't think the realness of the situation has quite hit me yet. It catches me off guard every once and a while, and I'm sure it'll really hit me next Christmas, which was her favorite holiday and is always a grand family gathering. She had been struggling for a long time with lymphatic cancer and had a hard past six months or so. However, I'm so glad that now she's finally her whole self again and out of all of the pain. I have so many happy memories of her and I know she's watching over me now. Again, it still hasn't fully hit me, and it feels strange to type those words, because to me she's still just an hour and a half from me, bustling around her huge old house. But, the last time I saw her she was happy and doing relatively well, and I'm thankful for that.

So, with that news out of the way, back to the blog! In January I made a great list of resolutions which I promptly forgot about and ignored for a month and a half. Then, a couple weeks ago, at the start of my spring break, I decided to get back into exercising and was doing really well! It's a little harder to remember to do it now that I'm back in school, but it's still in my mind and I'm trying to be consistent about it! I love the way I feel after and during a workout. I'm working to get myself in good shape after four years of a life without consistent exercise, and while I am strong naturally,  I want to be in better form and lose some weight before I go away to a different college in the fall! I can't remember if I ever mentioned that or not, but I finally decided to go away to university next fall, and I am already so incredibly excited for it. The girls I'm going to live with are great, the campus is so much fun and so busy, and I think the environment and being away from home will be so good for me. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to add onto my current Spanish major, but I'm giving it some serious thought and I will decide very soon (scheduling starts tomorrow, eek!).

In January, I felt very lighthearted and happy, but as life got crazy, the old sadness and disappointment crept back in. However, over spring break, I was able to really let go of things and just enjoy myself and busy myself with whatever I wanted, and it was absolutely wonderful.

 

While, as you can see, spring break wasn't very "springy," I enjoyed staying inside and hanging out.



Finally, I wanted to talk about taking my blog in a new direction, which ironically is actually the original direction I intended for it!

One of my resolutions was to create something each month and blog about it. This is mostly because I wanted my blog to have more of a lifestyle feel to it than previously (sorry for all the rants in the past, last year was angsty).

First, I want to talk about makeup.
I never used to care much about makeup to be honest, so long as my eyes could be seen (my eyelashes are very blonde).
However, over a year ago, I found this amazing YouTube channel called "Pixiwoo." (Youtube.com/Pixiwoo). Suddenly, I was tearing through their tutorials and learning a whole lot about not only different types of makeup and their uses, as well as techniques to apply to different shapes and colors of features. Nic and Sam (the two sisters behind Pixiwoo, both makeup artists for around a decade and a half) feel like those super cool young aunts who chat with you like an old friend and give you a good catch up and life tip with every visit. Their videos are helpful and the looks always come out beautiful--even if I begin to question a look halfway through. So, on the rare chance that one of my sisters is up for modeling, I jump at the opportunity to try a look on them!

My older sister Anne modeling as Cleopatra a la Elizabeth Taylor. All done because she had twisted her scarf into a turban while being silly and I said she looked Egyptian and I wanted to do a look!

While I am by no means perfect at makeup, I love practicing and I've been trying out different styles and looks on myself, and I'm slowly amassing a collection of products to work with! It's one of my favorite creative outlets these days (:

 Next is another creation that I wanted to share, even though it's unfinished.

Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice (2005).

 I loooooove to draw. I've been drawing seriously since elementary school, and it's one of my favorite things to immerse myself in. Usually, I like drawing portraits, and have been meaning to draw Lizzy Bennett by Keira Knightley since, oh, about forever. Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books and the 2005 movie is my favorite, ever. I've had it memorized for years, and I just love it.
This image is from a favorite scene of mine ("The Secret Life of Daydreams" by Dario Marianelli plays in the background during a series of rainy and sunny days while Lizzy swings alone and silent), and I've always thought Keira looked absolutely beautiful in it.
My drawing isn't finished, and it isn't perfect, but I'm very proud of it, to be honest. I love getting face shape and proportions right, especially since I just draw freehand, looking off an image on my phone, usually. I love it and I can't wait to finish the whole thing!


Finally, I want to begin talking about fashion. I love fashion as well, and I read multiple blogs and watch multiple YouTube users about fashion/lifestyle.
I've been in serous need of some nice, dark leather boots since forever, as the pair I had previously are slightly reddish in tint and do not go with everything.  Finally, the other day in DSW I found these babies.

Boots, Ralph Lauren. 

 I have to admit, at first I was a little skeptical of these because they are a little looser around the calves than I'm used to, and the foot part seemed to either be too big or too small, and I couldn't find a good pair of socks to fit in them well. However, I decided to take the plunge and buy them, and I'm already so glad I did! They were more than I usually pay for (anything) boots at $85 (I'm poor, in college, stingy, etc.), but I used a $20 off coupon to get them to that price, and I knew I was buying quality with the brand. The gold detail on the side is a little strangely bright yellow in color, but I don't notice it much and to me that's fine. I just love these boots! I love the look of them the more I wear them and I'm sure once they're all broken in, they'll be a great pair to hold on to for many years. I'm so glad I have them!

Well, this was quite a lengthy one, and as I've come down with a wicked cold, sleep is calling my name. I would love to know any opinions you have on my creations and how you feel about the expansion of my blog theme! I'm so glad I'm finally heading in the direction I set my course for when I began. I'll do my best to stay consistent and stick to my April resolutions in the future.
Thanks for reading and, goodnight!! xx

In with the New

I'm a couple days late in saying so, but

Happy 2014!!!! (:

Enjoy this selfy avec sequins and year glasses (:

Personally, I was not a big fan of 2013, and I was very excited for a new start. However, I saw a good degree of cynicism floating around on the internet about the idea of resolutions, and it made me think about them and why we choose to make them. 

Many people seemed to be saying: why now? why choose this day to make a change? you could have made it any time you wanted before; did you really need this little stupid jumpstart of a calendar change to do something about an issue in your life?
But for many people, the answer is probably yes.

Personally, December was a whirlwind for me. It felt like I didn't even have time to catch my breath while the semester wrapped up, I had my birthday, and family started to come home for the holidays. I loved finishing something and having time for rest, but honestly, the time for rest only truly felt like it started a few days ago. For starters, on Christmas Eve, I came down with something (guessing the flu) and was left in bed with feverish chills and aches while the family watched movies and ate cookies. It was an ebb-and-flow kind of thing however, and it always seemed to let me have some fun: getting to come down for dinner and a movie later on Christmas Eve, fun with family and friends on Christmas, skiing on the 26th, and other family times and a couple outings with friends. Unfortunately, this thing is still clinging onto me in the last way it can: a cough and somewhat sore throat. But, it's definitely lessened and is on its way out, and I feel all the better for having a) an excuse to let myself recuperate and get some sleep and b)finally coming out of it. 

However, lately, it's been hard to convince myself that it was all right to sleep in for an extra hour or two or to just sit and do what I want for a couple hours. I try to be very responsible and so, if I let myself slack off (which I do too often), I tend to feel very guilty and become nervous and worried while doing something unproductive. However, this still becomes an outlet for me, and I sneak in a few YouTube videos or 15 minutes on Tumblr on many occasions, and often make myself late and unhappy, even if the time I spent doing something online made me happy at first.
I'll let that be a little lead-in and thus list my resolutions for the New Year in which many changes are already set to come for me! (I am listing this mostly for myself, that I have something to keep up with, and also if anyone is interested or can use my resolutions to set some for yourself!)

Resolutions for 2014

1. Exercise three times a week, every week.

2. Learn 1 new piece in entirety on the piano each 1-2 months (depending on the piece).

3. Create two things each month, blog about them each month.

4. Write in my journal at least weekly. 

5. Be more open with those I love and those I don't know (trust).

6. Read some of a book for pleasure every day. 

7. Limit recreational time on the internet daily to 1.5 hour total (45 minutes on school days).

 8. Begin my homework by 4 every day.

9. Go outside every day (even in weather, do something).

10. Save 1/3 of all earnings. 

These are all quite personal to me, but I plan to share my progress with these on here (I want to blog more positively and frequently this year) and if anyone would like to share your resolutions and progress, please feel free! I'd be glad to know and support you (: I hope this year is as good for everyone as it's been to me so far, and as I hope for it will be in the future! (:

And, to finish it off, I just want to share with you that, as the view from my window will affirm, there is sunlight after the storm. (:

 

Sunnier Days

Well, I honestly meant to write this weeks ago, when it was still hip and in to describe to the world just how much you love autumn and everything about it, but, true to form, life got in the way. (Yes, I do have an addiction to commas, oops) After a very busy and often stressful three weeks or so, I'm beat. And today's dull gray chill is doing nothing to get me on the homework train. So, I figured (as is often best for me) might as well give in to the temptation for a bit, let my mind rest, and then get back feeling better. So, here we are.

We were having a gorgeous autumn until the past week of rain and true chill. All bright colors and sunshine, and I tried to soak up every bit before I was ready to burrow inside, as I feel now. So, one day after school, it was lovely out, I had time, and adventuring happened. I climbed a tree, I ran, I smiled, I climbed some more, and I took pictures. So here's some sunshine and some beautiful autumn to brighten up my gray day!

Up in that tree I mentioned.

This is our corncrib, which is now used for, as you can see, storage of hay bales, and also occasionally for climbing in.

The sunlight was gorgeous filtered down through the leaves.

I have a similar shot to this from my bad makeup/clothes choices days, around 2009? I've always wanted to repeat it sans me.

The leaves on this tree were my favorites.

So impressed by the iPhone 5c camera (just got it before this shoot happened, so thrilled to have all the extra space!) and it's focus abilities.

And here's the what I wore, because I love clothes and dressing nicely.  Scarf-TJ Maxx, Jeggings-Forever 21, Boots-DSW, I have no idea which brand, Sweater-thanks Gramma!

Hope these brightened up your gray day if you're having one. Enjoy the weather before it's gross, and don't forget to take a little time for yourself here and there. You'll work all the better for it! xx

Following through..

Since I'm usually pretty crap at following my own advice, I'm going to do my AYP right here, right now, while I'm not studying for that quiz tomorrow anyway. 

I am here. I am living at home, commuting to a college that I feel very neutrally about. I get to be with my family, but they're living their own lives as well as me, and I have to drive my younger sister around too much of the time. I spend much of my day alone, sometimes in silence. I am very chatty once I know people, or even sometimes before, so this really pains me a lot, maybe more than most others. I am half introverted, half extroverted, so I really like to talk to people and lately I'm always the first to introduce myself, but sometimes I also do like to be alone, though usually that's when I'm at home, not at school. I procrastinate far too much, so even easy homework gets pushed late. I'm also a packrat, though lately I'm beginning to hate clutter...even though I still can't throw it out (what if I'll need it some day???). I try to draw every once and a while to stay creative, and it helps, and I think I'm getting better, but I'd love to do it more. Last year I literally lived on Netflix, this year it's Youtube. I feel like I could be a better person than I'm being. I also feel that being silent so often helps me to observe others better, but also that it's making me really judgy, and I don't want to be like that, but that probably came from being super trusting in the past. I miss my best friends like crazy, and they've only been gone two weeks this time. We feel like sisters now, we're so comfortable around each other, and that's what I miss the most on my lonely days. I am not entirely positive on what I want to do with myself, though I have it pretty nailed down to something in language. I also keep feeling like art keeps nudging me too, but I'm not sure what I'll do with that thought yet. I want a change of scenery, even though I really do love this area and all its beauty.

The decisions that led me to here. Well, first it was deciding to only apply to schools that were very expensive, very far from home, and VERY hard to get into. I am a relatively normal person, college application wise, so this was a bold move for me...and it did not come to fruition. (I know I've told this sob story before, but please indulge me one more time, for the sake of this exercise!) Then, when I didn't get it, I let myself completely fall apart, and I lost a lot of faith in my abilities. In desperation (it was already late March when I found out, and most dates closed on April 1st or so), I applied to a local branch school which I had visited a few times through high school and liked all right, and I tried to apply to a school a few hours away in a town that I really liked (sadly, there are two schools with almost identical names, and I chose the wrong one on Common App, though that was probably a sign that I was not meant to go there, because that school was not for me, haha). I greatly considered taking a gap year, but this idea was shot down by my parents, many times. Finally, a week or so later, I was accepted to the local branch college, and, honestly I didn't want to have to walk across the stage at graduation without saying "attending this college for so-and-so major," and with the encouragement of my parents, I registered for classes, and I had a college. Then, when asked whether I wanted to study creative writing or environmental science, I picked science because it sounded more stable to me, an AP science kid who spent most of my time with kids who were going into engineering or the medical field. I tried to study it, but biology is just not for me, and I gave up on it pretty quickly into that semester. But, I kept on at college, even as failing tests and making few to no new friends took a severe hit on my usually cheerful personality. Whenever people asked, I put on a half-smiling face and said college was all right. But, I let myself get really, really down. I got sucked into tv series on Netflix (don't get me wrong, I loved watching all that Doctor Who and Say Yes to the Dress) and spent most of my time on the couch. I wasn't the old me, and I wasn't happy. Even this past summer, I went on a college visit or two, but it felt fake,  I still didn't feel like this was my future I was planning. But, I did make progress on my happiness, and learned to live more in the moment, as I said before (: Now, finally, I feel like I'm closer to believing that I can truly make my own future, like I can really go wherever I want to go, that stupid obstacles really don't mean anything. 

For the future: I want to live in a city. I don't know where yet, maybe New York City? I don't care how far away I go, because I know that I can come home, and that they can get on without me here. I also want to go abroad again. Maybe somewhere different: I'm looking at you, France, Spain. Maybe somewhere I've been: England, Ireland, Scotland. I want a life filled with beauty. I want to dress in the clothes/styles I dream about (I'm working on this one already). I want to keep the happiness I feel each morning through to when I go to sleep at night. I want to make friends every where I go, to meet strangers and become family. I want to see all the world. I want someone to share my life with, someone to care for and someone who cares for me. I want to find out the truths of life, and to share them with the people around me, the world around me, in whatever I choose to do with myself. I want to live a happy life. 

Whatever the situation of your AYP, I wish you all the best in reaching your future. Please share yours with me if you like! I know not many people read this, but some do! And I thank you if you do, it means a lot that you see my thoughts and care to read them. Good luck to you all, and good night! xx

AYP.

A long while ago, maybe a couple of years, I had an idea, wrote it down on a post-it note, and stuck it on the side of my dresser, by my head, so that I would think about it and follow its directions when I was feeling stuck, as I had been when I wrote it. (But, being stereotypical me, it's been like 2 years and I'm just now getting around to it, lol. But, I probably need it the most now anyway, so here goes!)
And my theory was:

AYP.

Accept Your Position.

Basically, the steps to follow were to stop looking forward or back, but simply say: I Am Here. (Ya know, like one of those little red stars on a map in a rest area on the highway or something). Regardless of where I wanted/want to be in my life right now, literally and/or figuratively, I am currently here. How do I feel about being here?

Then, you must look back. How did I arrive here? Which choices lead me to this position? Why did I make them? Pros and cons of making them?

Finally, look ahead. What would I like to change about my position? Where would I rather be? What would I rather be doing? Which steps are necessary to getting me where I want to be? What can I start doing right this very moment to put me on the way towards where I want to be?

I hope that everyone, at least at some point in their life, can reach their desired position, because isn't that what we're all striving for out in this big, bad world? If you aren't on the right path, get on it! Today is the day to start making changes in your life. I for one, have finally reached that point where I'm ready to kick myself in the butt and do something, because I'm sick of sitting around mildly (or not even) satisfied with my position, and it's time to get to the places I want to be, the life I want to be living. Please, from someone who's done this, don't spend all your time dreaming. The longer you dream, the harder it is to let yourself have something that you want, because you've idolized something in your head so much that the reality just won't compare. In the wise words of Edith Wharton (if you haven't read The Age of Innocence, I highly recommend it. It makes you think about life in a really great way.),

"Only I wonder--the thing one's so certain of in advance:

can it ever make one's heart beat as widely?"

So, as you assess your position and the changes you may need to make in your life, make good plans, and follow them, but don't be surprised if everything doesn't go exactly according to how you set it up, because it just may be better that way (:

Walking on Sunshine

WOOOOAAAAHHHH!

Ahem, hi. :) So, it's been a while, per usual. Last week was spent enjoying every single day of my vacation to the Outer Banks with my family. Literally, I was just so...comfortable, the entire week. And it was fantastic. During this time, I was on Instagram, and a quote account I follow, zynp, posted a quote that really really resonated with me and how I was feeling:

"If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future.

If you are at peace you are living in the present."

-Lao Tzu

Eureka! I was at peace. I finally followed my own advice and I lived in the moment. I didn't worry about how many days were left in the week, how many hours in the day, or even what was for breakfast the next morning. Nope, for the first time in a long time, I simply did what I wanted until I wanted something new, and it was great. Of course there were moments when my own time was cut short by an invitation to do this or that with a family member, but doing things with them were pleasant too, and nothing I was doing couldn't be paused or wait until tomorrow to continue enjoying. It was absolutely a beautiful, refreshing experience, and, finally, my head felt clear and empty in a good way.

Unsurprisingly, the feeling didn't quite make it home with me, because with a long car ride, I had plenty of time to return to worries about the disarray I had left behind at home. 

But then again, vacations aren't permanent, they are meant to be refreshers to prepare us for another stint of dealing with regular life. So, whenever the fear comes creeping up again, at least now I have the ability to remember how wonderful I felt last week, and that a deep breath can go quite a long way. 

And today, in the frustrating grasp of the expansive internet, I felt myself wasting away another beautiful morning, and I felt the panic of that unproductive behavior and an empty wasted day coiling around me like a boa constrictor yet again. So I got out the list I'd made Sunday night to be completed on Monday (I'm literally like the world's worst completer of lists I make for myself, haha), and, since I had drifted to lists of majors at colleges in my feeble attempt at productive internet activities, I decided to open back up my cobwebby (that's a real word?! There's no red squiggle underneath and I am so surprised!) Common Application that I had started months ago post-counselor session. And actually, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not only mostly done, but the things I needed to fill in were quick and easy, and just like that, I have now actually finally applied to another college, after over a year of saying I would. It's...done. And it feels wonderful! Finally, I have done something good for myself using just a spare bit of time in a day without any other requirement of myself. And now, why not take my favorite book (The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham, have I mentioned that previously? If I have, I'm not sorry, because it deserves to be constantly mentioned and you need to go find it and read it, like, NOW) outside, set up the hammock, and enjoy this day which has turned out to be absolutely gorgeous? The sun's come out and I feel happy :)

As a quick wrap-up here to explain the title of this post, I have to tell a tale from four years back to my travels to Europe, which I will shamelessly mention for the millionth time in something I'm writing. 

While in Wales, we met up with a group called FullOn which basically deals with empowering kids and exposing them to character-building activities. With this group of energetic, bubbly Australian, Kiwi (New Zealanders), and Welsh 20- or 30-somethings, we used just our hand or foot to break a 1-inch thick slab of wood and learned about the RAS (Reticular Activating System), a part of your brain which deals with picking up on the main idea of a thought and so will ignore words like no (e.g. if you were to say "I never fail tests," the RAS only hears "I fail tests"). thus speaking in positive terms only (e.g. instead, saying "I always pass tests") will make you naturally more confident and frequent in your success! With all this great information in our heads, we made our way over from their facilities to Penrhyn Castle on an estate west of Bangor to prepare to repel down an 80-foot tower! I'm a pretty active and daring thing, but once I was inside the tower waiting to go up to the top platform that we would repel from, I became very frightened and apprehensive. Once I got to the top, my helper from FullOn, Emi, was as sweet as could be and helped me up into position on the top of the tower. It had been overcast all day so far (I know, shocking for Wales), but as soon I was on the top corner of the tower, frozen with fear, the sun poked through the clouds, lighting up the day! Emi said to me, "See! The sun came out for you!" And then started singing "I'm Walking on Sunshine" as I sang back the "Wooaahhh" part and began to inch my way down the wall. Before I knew it, I was over the hardest cusp and enjoying myself thoroughly. The rest of the way down was a piece of cake and I loved every second. I have no idea if it was anything special to Emi, but it made an absolute impact on my life, her simple joy and happiness distracting me so that I could enjoy the journey over the hardest bit. Oh, and the sun went away after I made it to the bottom and never came back out again that day, so how's that for special?

If you're going over the tip-top of your tower, I know it's scary, and I know it's hard, but never forget to sing along on the way :)