You Can Breathe Now

Anyone recognize those lyrics? Jack's Mannequin. One of my absolute favorite bands everrrr. And I got to see them in April (this was literally on my bucket list) and it was just amazing, such a great show :)
So! Speaking of those lyrics, I had a very busy weekend and day, and I was feeling down for a lot of it because I had two big things hanging over my head for school, but now that they're over and I've gotten to sit down and unwind and recharge for a bit, I feel loads better :) For one, I've been wearing sweats for like four solid days now that the thermometer hovers around 60 at the most. I feel like I've forgotten how to dress for fall and all of my warm clothes have disappeared! But, by catching up on my Man Repeller (my favorite blog, check her out now if you don't know her. She's like the best friend you always wanted who makes those really daring clothes acceptable by wearing them out first with full confidence. She inspires me with no matter what she writes!), I feel ready to dive into fall fashion and looking good. I said at the beginning that I'd post stuff about fashion, but I haven't yet, I'm sorry! I promise things like outfit posts and posts about certain trends will begin hopefully tomorrow. 

Currently, I'm still working on trying to figure my life out slowly but surely. One positive thing I have done is begun saving. I went out for coffee with my friend Ally the other day and she told me how she saves coins and 1 dollar bills. For the coins, anytime she buys something, she always takes the full change for it and empties her wallet into a big piggy bank when she gets home. She has been able to save up almost $300 for concert tickets this way! She'll also do the same things for any 1 dollar bills she gets, and she just keeps them in a stack on her dresser and adds to the pile all the time with the same results! With this in mind, I emptied my wallet of coins and ones...and then wondered what I should save for. Was there anything I really wanted that I could realistically save for? I pondered this for a day or two when suddenly inspiration struck and I was looking up flight prices from here to London, England. I have no idea if that's actually where I'll go or even what I'll end up using the money for, but that's what my mind said to do. When I went to Europe 3 (3?!) years ago, I flew into London and it was beautiful and I figure I'd like to at least have been in the airport  before if I'm going abroad. Now, these are no cheap tickets: the round trip will cost me somewhere around $1200, for just the flights! However, this is a start, because I know that I really want to go there someday.

It feels good to finally have something solid planned. 

Well, I s'pose I'll go finish up my (better) homework (Spanish, Art History, and American Studies), neaten up my room, and pick out an outfit for tomorrow! Have a great night, everyone needs a good night's sleep!

"Keep in the sunlight!"

Ben Franklin

Me, Myself, and I

I'm lonely. I've been lonely all week. I was going to post earlier in the week, but I've also been kind of swamped with life and school work. As the only one of my close friends to stay at home for college, I felt kind of left behind. My school has two boys in every three people, which I didn't mind, but now I'm realizing that this poses a difficulty for me in making girl friends at college. It's making me sad, and I don't like it.
I said in my first post that, if it was up to me, I probably wouldn't be enrolled in college right now, and I've been meaning to elaborate on that point. Last year, things seemed good. Being a smart girl with good SAT scores, I was told I would have my pick of schools; I could go anywhere I wanted. So, I applied to a few very big-name schools, two of which had sent me a lot of promotional mail: University of Chicago, George Washington University (these two sent me the mail), and Cornell University. Now, I said I had good SAT scores, but they weren't perfect. I was about on par with the average at at least GWU, but still, in this day and age, it seems like you need to be a lot more above average than I was if you want to go to places that I'd dreamed about. I applied in the end of November, then sat down for the nail-biting three and a half month wait. As winter went on and my friends began getting into dream schools, I got more and more nervous for the months ahead. Then one afternoon in early March, I got my first disheartening online rejection letter, I think from GWU, and then shortly after from U of Chicago. I then convinced myself that while I had been excited about those schools, I could live without them, and hey, maybe I could still get into Cornell. As the next two or three weeks went on, I built my hopes higher and higher for Cornell. Finally, on judgement day, I got that same short rejection email, and I broke. That was one long night. I cried for hours, and my spirit really just broke. I talked with my dad for hours about my hurt as a future I'd felt was promised to me disappeared, right in front of me.
The real problem of the situation was that it was two or three days until April 1, and I had no options at all. With my three dreams gone, I had to come up with a new plan for whole future in just a couple of weeks. I whipped up a couple applications for cheaper, closer schools and sent them out a week or two later, then I waited again. It turned out that, for the college I'd considered away from home, there were two colleges with similar names in one town, and I had applied to the wrong one. While there might have been time to reapply for admission, the housing would be relatively nil at this point, so I gave up on the idea of leaving home. However, finally, I got a positive reply. The local college, a branch of Penn State University, had accepted me right off the bat. Finally, I had an option, even if it was nothing like I'd planned or dreamed of.
However, now, with my spirit beaten and bruised, I now wasn't sure of the institution at all. On that night in March, my dad had told me to figure out what I really want for myself and to do it. He provided the option of my staying home from anything and just working and saving up my money for a while, then buying some means of travel, like a sailboat, and traveling the world self-sufficiently. Even now, this dream sounds amazing. However, on the other side of my decision was my mother, who is really the reason I'm in college right now. She insisted that I at least begin college somewhere cheap, like at home, and just live a home to keep costs down while I studied a variety of things and tried to figure out where my heart lay. My dad agreed with this as being a good idea, and so it happened that I sent in my deposit and now I'm in school with a major in Environmental Science and a minor in Spanish.
The only thing about this whole plan, is that, this past summer, I was barely home and so didn't work much and had just barely enough money saved up to get me through the year. I'm working on the weekends now just to keep up with life, and even though I'm living at home and have scholarships, there is still $3000 a year that I don't have covered. My first semester was free to me because of some money saved up over my life by my parents, but, write one single check and there it goes! Life is so expensive, it's insane. I don't even have enough money now to get me through my year because of a change in cell phone plans and some unforeseen expenses with school. My dreams of study abroad over spring break or even in my fourth semester seem bleak at the moment, which just kills me, because those are really my truest dream.
Here at home, my family doesn't quite understand my predicaments, and literally every member is so busy with high school or extra college that we barely do anything like we used to. I hate it, I miss the simple nights. Also, I hang out with a few friends from high school while a college, but they're boys or people that I was never super close with. I really am an outgoing person, but it's seemed like everyone already knew each other or didn't really want to become close with me, so I'm alone a lot of the time at school. Which is really hard, because I tend to internalize things normally when I have close friends around me.
Well, time to do some studying so that I actually can pass the biology test I don't care about on Monday (my apathy is bad because this class is required for my major...). I need to get my rear in gear and clean up my schedule and my rooms and my head so that I can figure myself out a bit. I am trying, it's just hard is all. Well, good luck to you in your weekends!

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Well, Friday morning's sore throat has developed into a full-blown head cold. Hoorayyy. Well, besides that, this weekend was actually pretty good. I finally finished that paper on Friday morning and stayed on schedule! Then that night I got to see one of my really good friends, Courtney, who was home for the weekend from college in Pittsburgh. Saturday I worked during the day and watched an old film with my mom and stepdad in the evening, Charade, which I really liked. Audrey Hepburn's style was just so classic and understated, I loved it.  You can never watch too many old movies, they're really great. Today was more lazy, in the morning I got up and helped my mom make jello and bake crumbly oatmeal butterscotch cookies, which were delicious! She found the recipe online somewhere, but the cookies were called "flapjacks" I think, even though it was more just a sheet of oatmeal, not anything like pancakes. Look it up, they were so easy to make! Then, I worked this evening for a while. I'm a hostess at Famous Dave's, which is a pretty lackluster job if you ask me, but hey, it's paying the bills for now. Also, tonight at two neighboring booths we had customers from Columbia and Iceland! How cool! Gosh but I want to go abroad again. It looks like I'll have to wait until second semester of next year, but I would go tomorrow if you asked. I can't decide where I want to go though. I'd love to stay in England, Ireland, or Scotland because I loved visiting them before and the people and culture are so wonderful, but I would just adore to go France because it's incredible and probably next on my dream list of places to visit, and I've had two years of French but would love to become fluent someday. But then also there's places like Spain, whose culture I also love, plus I'm a Spanish minor so this one probably makes the most sense...ah, decisions decisions! At least I have some time to think it over. That's something that I've been wanting to do for years: make a vision board. I want to look at my life and decide what I want in it and what needs to go. It's time to clean out my closet, figuratively and literally. I want to create the life I dream about in my head. It's time to think, to dream, to plan. Goodnight!

So easily daunted?

If it was up to me, I probably wouldn't be enrolled in college right now. I know that I should take the opportunity of education, in any form, for the blessing that it is, but on nights like tonight, I really wish that I was off seeing some part of the world. I have to write my first college paper tonight, and the task is just looming over my head like a dark cloud. I liked the reading we did, and I like the topic I chose to write this paper on, but when it comes to actually completing the task? I can find any form of distraction known to man. Usually, I do this until the last possible minute, and then crank out a work which is acceptable, if not my best. However, on nights like tonight, I do not feel myself reaching that point of inspiration-from-necessity, but instead, am filled with the overwhelming desire to just curl up in my bed and sleep for three days. I have just been so tired lately, I can't explain it! I get 8 hours of sleep and wake up at the same time every day...and am absolutely exhausted by the day's end. I've been able to skate by for the past three weeks on minimal effort, but this paper is different. The class is my Honors class for the semester, and I really respect my professor and want to do a good job in this class. So why is it so freaking hard to just sit down and physically do the work?! This is a mystery I may never solve. Just had to get all the thoughts bouncing around in my skull out. Now to nothing but classical music in my ears and the word document in front of my eyes. Happy schooling to you, I hope you're having better luck than me tonight. More to come later when I'm back on track. Goodnight!


Here's somewhere I'd rather be tonight: the Gap of Dunloe, County Kerry, Ireland. When I was here, oh my gosh. "The most beautiful place I've ever been" was literally said and meant.



Not my photo; too lazy to go dig it up, plus I should be doing my paper anyway...
(http://blog.discoverireland.com/2010/12/the-ring-of-kerry-a-guided-tour/gap-of-dunloe/)

Oh, what a beautiful morning

Good morning! The sleep hasn't completely left my eyes, but I'm up early to take my sister to school and do homework. However, the morning is mine. Mornings are often underrated, taken for granted as we rush off to school or work. Few have the luxury to just sit by a window with a cup of coffee and look out at the sun filtering through the green leaves, only reaching the ground here and there and making the dew sparkle. This is one of my favorite times: the grass is still wet, there is still a chill in the air, but the sunlight is warm on your face and the air is still with the promise of a nice day to come.
In other news, fall is finally on its way, and oh how I've missed it. Last year fall was shortened due to an extended rainy period which rid the trees of their leaves too quickly. However, we should be in for a beautiful show of foliage in the coming months. It is very chilly today, but I love it. Last night, due to the chill, I was able to put a heavy comforter over my usual fleece blanket and thin quilt, and the heaviness and warmth of the blankets provided a heavy restful sleep. I cannot wait for the coziness that comes with autumn and winter. Hot cider, fires in our old-fashioned woodstove, sweaters, thick socks, fleece blankets! That's why I love autumn so much: the feeling of warmth inside against the chill outside as everything prepares for the quiet cold of winter. I have a favorite book from childhood which told of the progression through the seasons at a farm, and its pictures and descriptions of fall and winter are always what I think of when I imagine those seasons. Every now and then I like to look back through my favorite books from childhood while curled up in a blanket in fall or winter. There is nothing so comforting as that. I may be legally an adult, but there's nothing wrong with still being a child every now and again. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Here's that light filtering through the trees that I described:

(I took this photo with Instagram, it is property of moi. Eventually I'll put my profile name up on here for y'all if you want to follow.)
I hope your day was light :)

Only the Beginning...

Hello! Well, this is my first blog ever, and I'm not quite sure how to go about it haha. Let me introduce myself: I'm Jane, an 18 year old college freshman from Pennsylvania. I love reading, photography, art, music, travel, and the outdoors. I've been meaning to start a blog for ages, and tonight provided some empty time, so here we are! Currently, I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm not your average 18 year old. I have dreams of travel, seeing and helping in all parts of the world. In the summer of 2009, I had the incredible opportunity to travel abroad to England, Wales, Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Scotland. Since getting that first taste of life abroad, I have craved more every day. Seriously, at any time, you could ask me, and I'll be thinking about a location. I'm kind of in my own world that way.
 That's actually the reason for the title of my blog (To Those Who Will See). That line is from a book, The Sweet, Far Thing by Libba Bray. In it, a character says to another: "To those who will see, the world waits." That quote just spoke to me, because it is so true. There is such beauty all around us, if only we truly open our eyes to see it. Now, like any teenager, or any person really, that's not to say that I don't have down days where I want nothing but to leave my location and go anywhere else, or that sometimes I'm not satisfied with what's around me. Trust me, I know that I've lived a good life and am very blessed. But sometimes it's hard to remember that. However, this isn't going to be some deep mopey thing. This is going to be somewhere for me to express all that pent-up want and creativity and emotion for a more colorful life than I have here. I'll do that through writing, fashion, and photography. This will be half an online diary, half a creative outlet of a more polished nature than I show every day. So, cheers to new beginnings, and to life!