And So She Did

It's funny, they say that with age comes wisdom. However, at a few short days from turning 19, I have mixed feelings about this statement.
Sure, I'm more fiscally wise now, and I think more before making decisions, but both of those things may be less beneficial than I thought. For instance, and I hate to admit this, I feel that I can't speak my mind anymore. You reading these posts already know more about my future hopes/plans than many of the people I know. And I find that kind of crazy. Lately, whenever I'm asked about my future, I get embarrassed, laugh, shrug, and say I'm not really sure. I don't say: "I'm not sure, but I don't want to stay where I am," "I want to change my major to something frivolous that I really love, and for that to be okay," I also want to find a dependable major that I could love doing every day, and I'm trying to work out in my mind what that could be," "I want to move away and actually make friends and have a good time in college," "I feel like I can't leave home because my family needs me," "I feel like I've let go of my dreams, and now I can't believe in them anymore," "I need help."
Now, not all of these things are that hard to say, and actually saying my current plans (looking into geoscience or speech pathology and language and looking for places to transfer) doesn't really sound that hard either. So why can't I make the words come out of my mouth?
Actually realizing that I'm afraid to say what I think has been rough to accept, but boy do I feel better for it now. Last night, my cousin asked me what I'd been up to (I haven't seen him in ages and I miss him!) and how school was, and--I actually told him my feelings and plans. And (of course), he said that my plans sounded really interesting and good, and he wished me luck. Now, was that really so hard, Jane? I realized that, in fact, it wasn't.
Now, this isn't stemming simply from the personal crisis I had this year, but also from my ideas. I'm not the average 18 year old. I have dreams of science, art, travel, history, etc. My ideas do not quite fit into the usual mold, and so, in the past, when people asked me what I wanted to do with myself and I said proudly, "Archaeology," I would often get weird looks and raised eyebrows. However, I used to have this amazing ability to shrug off the nonbelievers and remain happily focused on my goal. Where has that gone? When did I suddenly become so worried about what other people thought? I have a feeling that it has to do with the fact that I ended up at a school mainly for engineering and business at which I barely even had opportunities to study those more far-out subjects that I so enjoyed. So, being somewhere where all the people (mainly, you'd think) have something in common, I became embarrassed of standing out, especially since I didn't seem to fit in anyway.
However, talking to my cousin and just thinking about the whole thing in general has helped me to put new confidence in myself and my ideas, and I feel much better about the whole thing (: Because honestly, I'm living my life, and so I need to make choices that keep me happy, and the people around me can't help me to do that if they don't know what I want. It's okay to be a little selfish, I'm realizing, so long as it's for a beneficial reason.

In other news, tomorrow's December and I'm so excited!!! It's my favorite month, and I've had holiday Pandora on for days to accompany the tree in the front hall :) I hope you all have a wonderful day, and don't ever be afraid to be yourself!

Under Pressure

Ya know, it's funny how one little question can change so much.
The other night, my older sister texted me out of the blue and asked me "Are you happy?" She meant this in an overall-in-life way. I thought and gave her a relatively affirmative answer, and, satisfied, she moved on with her life. However, this question struck me deeply and made me really think: Am I happy? The more I thought about it (and continue to think about it), the more I realized how much I would have done differently over the past year or so, had I the chance. And that is no way to live.

If you've read all my posts, you know bits of this story, but here's the bottom line:
One year ago, I was excitingly sending in applications to three top-of-the-line schools (the closest about 3 hours away, the farthest about 9) which each cost around $50,000 a year. I was excited to branch out and be able to find exciting new friends and have new adventures. Despite naysayers and realists, I was excited to pursue my dreams of studying archaeology and journalism, with the goal of one day working for a magazine like National Geographic, which is one of my very favorites. Though already somewhat humbled, good scores on AP tests and the SATs gave me great confidence in my ability to go to these schools.
Fast forward to today: I'm at home, going to a local branch college of a university that I have very neutral feelings towards. I do not have a solid major plan in line, and I can't seem to make a decision for the pressure I feel being put on me by just about every adult (it seems). I have made absolutely no new friends at school (though I have become closer with some previous school friends). When my friends got excited to share their adventures at our reunion tonight, I realized that I had not one real exciting story to tell about school. Instead of feeling calm at home, I feel restless and dissatisfied and like I don't have the time or means for rest right now. So, every time I take time out for me, I feel guilty, and if I don't I feel unhappy. Despite having a tuition bill of just around $1200 and so not currently having any debt, I have no money for me because my job is slow, I've been unable to work a lot lately, and I didn't make a lot over the summer. Since I am 18 and graduated, I'm supposed to be living by my own schedule, but instead it seems even worse because I'm still on the exact schedule because of having to drive my little sister around everywhere. I feel like my parents want to keep me home for the convenience of having me home and being a second/third parent (and of course also because they love me). I feel like staying at home, even just for this long, has gotten me so stuck in a rut that the thought of being here for another year just scares me. I'm looking at other schools, but because I'm still not sure what I'm doing, even that seems less friendly and open than a year ago. I feel like I'm in a dark room, fumbling around trying to find a lightswitch, but I can't even find the walls yet. And it's terrible. I'm so sick of this in-between feeling that hasn't gone away with the coming of college. I'm supposed to be enjoying every day of my life, but instead they're just..passing. And if you knew me personally, it would probably scare you to hear that statement, because that is not how I am as a person nor how I usually live my life.
Well, they say the first step to solving a problem is acknowledgement, so, there ya go: I'm not currently happy. I've got a lot to change, and hopefully I can gain some clarity soon and sort out the mess inside my brain.
Anywho, I'm so glad to finally see my best friends again tonight, my whole family for Thanksgiving, and everyone from my extended home family to go pick out our Christmas tree on Friday :) :)
I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday, and I encourage you find something you're thankful for, not just on Thanksgiving, but every day, because I promise you, there is always something good, always something to appreciate :)

TGIF

Well hello! .....again. I apologize, I really was going to be more regular about this, I swear! Ah well, at least I'm on again. And, glad to say, I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere in the quest to figure out what I'm gonna do with myself!
For starters, I want to say how I finally did something big for myself recently, and it was great: I drove to and visited my best friend at her awesome college! This was a big deal because: a) it was like 2.5 hours away, and I'd never driven that far solo on an unfamiliar route before, b) I miss herrrrrr, c) it was relatively expensive to do so, and I finally had enough money in the bank to accommodate a trip of this kind, and d) I finally got to be on a real college-y campus and experience college life!! Oh, it was great, I loved it. She's on a very idyllic campus and everyone was so friendly and awesome and I loved the atmosphere.
So, being on a nice campus and seeing what life is like made me really think seriously about my situation, and motivated me to actually look into switching my major and/or schools. So, today's the big day that I change my major! In looking at my friend's college, I found a few things that I hadn't seriously thought about before--neurology and speech pathology--that interested me, as well as (!!) the one I was planning on switching to anyway: geology! (I'll keep neurology and sp in the back of my mind for now (I've been very interested in the brain lately), and see how I feel about them in a few months or so) Needless to say, I was psyched, and the fact that I had another option for a school later on to switch to really motivated me to solidify my thoughts. So, today, I'll be seeing my adviser in the afternoon to make the switch once and for all, and be rid of environmental science!
The fact of the matter is, changing a major is a drastic change to make, as it could cost time and money. However, it seems that my classes I'm already taking will at least mostly count for geology, which is good.
Changing my major to this is also drastic because, my school being a branch campus, I can't finish it here at home. So by changing it and sticking with it, I am deciding that I will have to switch schools by junior year, which is scary. However, I am doing college right by living at home and going to cheaply, so really, I'm pretty well off. After years of being scared by the idea of debt, I'm finally taking the leap--just in an educated way. With the knowledge I have now, I won't go to a school that is insanely expensive unless I have tons of aid, and I'll have time to do adequate research before I do any switch.
So, this is a huge step for me on the journey to having the life I dream about, and I'm so happy about it! :)

In other news, it is time for me to find another job, and quick. Now, I love the people at my current job, but I don't like the actual job, the restaurant is slow so I don't get many hours in the limited amount of time that I can work, and I've had to request off a lot lately anyway.
So, probably this weekend, I'm planning on going around on a job-search/applying frenzy, in order to have myself on the offering plate before all those kids return from college for Thanksgiving and snatch up the good jobs! I want to find a job that I'm excited to go to and that will be interesting. Fingers crossed I find a good one this weekend!
Can anyone believe how fast this semester is going by? I sure can't. It's already November 9th! So, I'm trying to take more time for myself each day, and so far it's going well :)
For example, since one of my classes was cancelled today, I'm gonna finally work out, take a nice long shower, do some studying for Monday (I work ahead now! it's so weird haha), make myself a nice lunch, go to class, meet with my adviser to change my major, and then have a night at home and probably watch some stuff on Netflix (I've recently (finally) really started to get into Doctor Who, and I'm on the second season and love it!).
Also, anyone else just loving this crisp, cold fall air? It's the best!

I hope you're all well and you're having a lovely Friday! :)

Finally back

Hi all,
I am so so sorry for my little hiatus! I just let life get the better of me for the past couple weeks. The last week especially with exams all over the place, the death of a family friend (and a round trip of 1000+ miles plus the funeral in only 26 hours), and the visit home of my older sister from college left me a bit out of breath. But, today I'm taking a breather and getting back into the swing of things.

For one, I finally went out to a store for the first time in ages. Though I'm living at home, I'm still not working much due to my school schedule plus I owe my mom some money for my phone and car insurance, so I haven't spent barely anything in the past few months. I'm not one who needs to shop all the time, but I do love to get something new every once and a while to spice things up, even if it's small. However, I'm realizing that I seem to be running my wardrobe thin over the past year or two, and I'm lacking in a few central pieces like good skinny jeans, black pants (for everyday), a good white tee, good cozy sweaters, a couple nice dresses, and black shoes. So anyway, today I went to the store with my dad and sisters to look for dresses to wear for my cousin's wedding in November (how is that already so close?!), and it just felt so nice to look at pretty clothes and shoes and bags and everything. and, I found a really nice light gray wool sleeveless dress (below). It's great, and versatile! I love that store and Marshall's for pretty clothes without such a hefty pricetag. So, I think one day this week (either tomorrow or Friday), I'll leave home a few hours early and go out to the stores for a few hours before I go to school, and see if I can't find a few nice things to build my wardrobe back up around! I'm so excited! :)

 T.J. Maxx, $19.99!

Another thing I got done was to finish cleaning my room at my dad's house, finally. It's been a mess for a while but now that it's finally clean, oh it's great and it feels so fresh and open :) At my mom's it's still an absolute pigsty..but I'll work on it this week! I really need to sort through all my clothes and really get rid of some, because I feel like I don't wear half of them any more and it's so bad! So, that's one thing to work on this week. I love neatening my room if I'm in the right mood, so hopefully soon I can really get some work done! It leaves me with such a nice feeling afterward, like I can finally think clearly and focus.

Also, lately I've been really into makeup. Over summer, I literally only ever wore mascara. But lately, I've been using concealer under my eyes (lack of sleep is starting  to show unfortunately), a little eyeliner on bottom, mascara, a little eyeshadow, and even a little bronzer for highlighting. I found a YouTube channel, beautycrush, and I just absolutely love it!! Her name is Sammi and she's from London, and I love her style. It's definitely a bit more forward than I would wear around (my town isn't very fashionable at all haha), but I've been trying to incorporate more fashionable things into my everyday and to try to look a little better in general. I love it! Putting on makeup is so fun when you see what it can do, and I finally understand why people take the time to do it all the time. I still have days where it's just mascara and a little concealer--or nothing if I'm at home--but I do try to step it up more often. It feels nice to look good.

Well, I promise that I will update more often from now on as I manage my schedule better, and I should be putting in pictures more often as well!
I want to say a big thank you to everyone who reads these!! I feel so honored that my thoughts were worth your read, and so I'll try to keep things interesting for ya :)

Have a nice, restful night, and a great day tomorrow! :)

Crack in the Armor

I'll be honest, I've gotten my fair share of lucky breaks in life, and I'm not used to dealing with failure. However, I've recently found that I cannot rely on my brain alone if I want to succeed. I actually failed an exam. In college. I cannot believe those words are true, but they are, and it's completely my fault. When things come up that I don't like, I divert and avoid, I hide behind anything and everything until I escape completely. However, apparently biology doesn't work that way. I did everything I could, literally, to not study for this exam. I pushed it farther and farther down my list of priorities until suddenly, I hadn't studied, and it was time to take the test. I tried, but due to crazy construction on my route to school, I barely made it to class on time and was still worked up. If I had simply sat down and read over my notes even, I would have done worlds better, but I realized that with about 10 minutes before I had to leave for school.
So now what?
Well, in all honesty, I have to conquer one of my least favorite things and actually go talk to my professor. I can't explain why, but I am not one to go for help. At the very worst situation, I'll ask a peer. He's already giving us fifteen possible bonus points since the class average for the test was a 51%. However, I need to talk to him about my possibility of staying in his class. Why pay for a C right? But at the same time, I'm so ashamed of my failure that I want to do nothing more but stay in his class and right my wrong. I feel like dropping the class is avoiding the issue and is humiliating. It's a shame that the drive to succeed is coming five weeks into school, but I know that I really can succeed if I put my mind to it here.
I am kind of notorious for not matching intent with action. I have so many dreams and plans, but I don't always follow through (for example, my plans to post something about fashion last week...sorry!). That is my thing to change in myself from now on.

On the plus side, I see beauty every day as the leaves change and two of my friends come home this weekend, so hopefully that helps my loneliness, at least temporarily. Also, tomorrow my Poppop turns 92! He's one of my absolutely favorite people on the planet, he always has a piece of advice to give, and he always tells me to follow my heart :) Tomorrow morning I'll try to sit for a few quiet minutes and just clear my mind. I really need to think about what's best for me, despite what anyone else says. There's too much chatter about it lately and I feel so muddled.

Also, on the subject of music, someone you NEED to know, is Lights. Her music is a wonderful version of pop/electronic, but not overwhelmingly so at all! Her new album even involves dubstep in a way that I swear can be enjoyed by anyone. And some of her songs are so sweet and beautiful. She's been around for years and my has she grown, it's incredible to watch because she's still such a wonderful, down-to-earth person. A couple tracks I really love are Drive My Soul, February Air, Banner, River, Last Thing on your Mind, Where the Fence is Low, Saviour, and Toes. I probably forgot one, but anyway, check her out!! Also, make sure you look at her acoustic stuff, because holy crap it can be even better than studio sometimes, she's just so talented!


The picture is from somewhere in Ontario on one of the most beautiful mornings I've seen.

Have a good night everyone! :)

You Can Breathe Now

Anyone recognize those lyrics? Jack's Mannequin. One of my absolute favorite bands everrrr. And I got to see them in April (this was literally on my bucket list) and it was just amazing, such a great show :)
So! Speaking of those lyrics, I had a very busy weekend and day, and I was feeling down for a lot of it because I had two big things hanging over my head for school, but now that they're over and I've gotten to sit down and unwind and recharge for a bit, I feel loads better :) For one, I've been wearing sweats for like four solid days now that the thermometer hovers around 60 at the most. I feel like I've forgotten how to dress for fall and all of my warm clothes have disappeared! But, by catching up on my Man Repeller (my favorite blog, check her out now if you don't know her. She's like the best friend you always wanted who makes those really daring clothes acceptable by wearing them out first with full confidence. She inspires me with no matter what she writes!), I feel ready to dive into fall fashion and looking good. I said at the beginning that I'd post stuff about fashion, but I haven't yet, I'm sorry! I promise things like outfit posts and posts about certain trends will begin hopefully tomorrow. 

Currently, I'm still working on trying to figure my life out slowly but surely. One positive thing I have done is begun saving. I went out for coffee with my friend Ally the other day and she told me how she saves coins and 1 dollar bills. For the coins, anytime she buys something, she always takes the full change for it and empties her wallet into a big piggy bank when she gets home. She has been able to save up almost $300 for concert tickets this way! She'll also do the same things for any 1 dollar bills she gets, and she just keeps them in a stack on her dresser and adds to the pile all the time with the same results! With this in mind, I emptied my wallet of coins and ones...and then wondered what I should save for. Was there anything I really wanted that I could realistically save for? I pondered this for a day or two when suddenly inspiration struck and I was looking up flight prices from here to London, England. I have no idea if that's actually where I'll go or even what I'll end up using the money for, but that's what my mind said to do. When I went to Europe 3 (3?!) years ago, I flew into London and it was beautiful and I figure I'd like to at least have been in the airport  before if I'm going abroad. Now, these are no cheap tickets: the round trip will cost me somewhere around $1200, for just the flights! However, this is a start, because I know that I really want to go there someday.

It feels good to finally have something solid planned. 

Well, I s'pose I'll go finish up my (better) homework (Spanish, Art History, and American Studies), neaten up my room, and pick out an outfit for tomorrow! Have a great night, everyone needs a good night's sleep!

"Keep in the sunlight!"

Ben Franklin

Me, Myself, and I

I'm lonely. I've been lonely all week. I was going to post earlier in the week, but I've also been kind of swamped with life and school work. As the only one of my close friends to stay at home for college, I felt kind of left behind. My school has two boys in every three people, which I didn't mind, but now I'm realizing that this poses a difficulty for me in making girl friends at college. It's making me sad, and I don't like it.
I said in my first post that, if it was up to me, I probably wouldn't be enrolled in college right now, and I've been meaning to elaborate on that point. Last year, things seemed good. Being a smart girl with good SAT scores, I was told I would have my pick of schools; I could go anywhere I wanted. So, I applied to a few very big-name schools, two of which had sent me a lot of promotional mail: University of Chicago, George Washington University (these two sent me the mail), and Cornell University. Now, I said I had good SAT scores, but they weren't perfect. I was about on par with the average at at least GWU, but still, in this day and age, it seems like you need to be a lot more above average than I was if you want to go to places that I'd dreamed about. I applied in the end of November, then sat down for the nail-biting three and a half month wait. As winter went on and my friends began getting into dream schools, I got more and more nervous for the months ahead. Then one afternoon in early March, I got my first disheartening online rejection letter, I think from GWU, and then shortly after from U of Chicago. I then convinced myself that while I had been excited about those schools, I could live without them, and hey, maybe I could still get into Cornell. As the next two or three weeks went on, I built my hopes higher and higher for Cornell. Finally, on judgement day, I got that same short rejection email, and I broke. That was one long night. I cried for hours, and my spirit really just broke. I talked with my dad for hours about my hurt as a future I'd felt was promised to me disappeared, right in front of me.
The real problem of the situation was that it was two or three days until April 1, and I had no options at all. With my three dreams gone, I had to come up with a new plan for whole future in just a couple of weeks. I whipped up a couple applications for cheaper, closer schools and sent them out a week or two later, then I waited again. It turned out that, for the college I'd considered away from home, there were two colleges with similar names in one town, and I had applied to the wrong one. While there might have been time to reapply for admission, the housing would be relatively nil at this point, so I gave up on the idea of leaving home. However, finally, I got a positive reply. The local college, a branch of Penn State University, had accepted me right off the bat. Finally, I had an option, even if it was nothing like I'd planned or dreamed of.
However, now, with my spirit beaten and bruised, I now wasn't sure of the institution at all. On that night in March, my dad had told me to figure out what I really want for myself and to do it. He provided the option of my staying home from anything and just working and saving up my money for a while, then buying some means of travel, like a sailboat, and traveling the world self-sufficiently. Even now, this dream sounds amazing. However, on the other side of my decision was my mother, who is really the reason I'm in college right now. She insisted that I at least begin college somewhere cheap, like at home, and just live a home to keep costs down while I studied a variety of things and tried to figure out where my heart lay. My dad agreed with this as being a good idea, and so it happened that I sent in my deposit and now I'm in school with a major in Environmental Science and a minor in Spanish.
The only thing about this whole plan, is that, this past summer, I was barely home and so didn't work much and had just barely enough money saved up to get me through the year. I'm working on the weekends now just to keep up with life, and even though I'm living at home and have scholarships, there is still $3000 a year that I don't have covered. My first semester was free to me because of some money saved up over my life by my parents, but, write one single check and there it goes! Life is so expensive, it's insane. I don't even have enough money now to get me through my year because of a change in cell phone plans and some unforeseen expenses with school. My dreams of study abroad over spring break or even in my fourth semester seem bleak at the moment, which just kills me, because those are really my truest dream.
Here at home, my family doesn't quite understand my predicaments, and literally every member is so busy with high school or extra college that we barely do anything like we used to. I hate it, I miss the simple nights. Also, I hang out with a few friends from high school while a college, but they're boys or people that I was never super close with. I really am an outgoing person, but it's seemed like everyone already knew each other or didn't really want to become close with me, so I'm alone a lot of the time at school. Which is really hard, because I tend to internalize things normally when I have close friends around me.
Well, time to do some studying so that I actually can pass the biology test I don't care about on Monday (my apathy is bad because this class is required for my major...). I need to get my rear in gear and clean up my schedule and my rooms and my head so that I can figure myself out a bit. I am trying, it's just hard is all. Well, good luck to you in your weekends!

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Well, Friday morning's sore throat has developed into a full-blown head cold. Hoorayyy. Well, besides that, this weekend was actually pretty good. I finally finished that paper on Friday morning and stayed on schedule! Then that night I got to see one of my really good friends, Courtney, who was home for the weekend from college in Pittsburgh. Saturday I worked during the day and watched an old film with my mom and stepdad in the evening, Charade, which I really liked. Audrey Hepburn's style was just so classic and understated, I loved it.  You can never watch too many old movies, they're really great. Today was more lazy, in the morning I got up and helped my mom make jello and bake crumbly oatmeal butterscotch cookies, which were delicious! She found the recipe online somewhere, but the cookies were called "flapjacks" I think, even though it was more just a sheet of oatmeal, not anything like pancakes. Look it up, they were so easy to make! Then, I worked this evening for a while. I'm a hostess at Famous Dave's, which is a pretty lackluster job if you ask me, but hey, it's paying the bills for now. Also, tonight at two neighboring booths we had customers from Columbia and Iceland! How cool! Gosh but I want to go abroad again. It looks like I'll have to wait until second semester of next year, but I would go tomorrow if you asked. I can't decide where I want to go though. I'd love to stay in England, Ireland, or Scotland because I loved visiting them before and the people and culture are so wonderful, but I would just adore to go France because it's incredible and probably next on my dream list of places to visit, and I've had two years of French but would love to become fluent someday. But then also there's places like Spain, whose culture I also love, plus I'm a Spanish minor so this one probably makes the most sense...ah, decisions decisions! At least I have some time to think it over. That's something that I've been wanting to do for years: make a vision board. I want to look at my life and decide what I want in it and what needs to go. It's time to clean out my closet, figuratively and literally. I want to create the life I dream about in my head. It's time to think, to dream, to plan. Goodnight!

So easily daunted?

If it was up to me, I probably wouldn't be enrolled in college right now. I know that I should take the opportunity of education, in any form, for the blessing that it is, but on nights like tonight, I really wish that I was off seeing some part of the world. I have to write my first college paper tonight, and the task is just looming over my head like a dark cloud. I liked the reading we did, and I like the topic I chose to write this paper on, but when it comes to actually completing the task? I can find any form of distraction known to man. Usually, I do this until the last possible minute, and then crank out a work which is acceptable, if not my best. However, on nights like tonight, I do not feel myself reaching that point of inspiration-from-necessity, but instead, am filled with the overwhelming desire to just curl up in my bed and sleep for three days. I have just been so tired lately, I can't explain it! I get 8 hours of sleep and wake up at the same time every day...and am absolutely exhausted by the day's end. I've been able to skate by for the past three weeks on minimal effort, but this paper is different. The class is my Honors class for the semester, and I really respect my professor and want to do a good job in this class. So why is it so freaking hard to just sit down and physically do the work?! This is a mystery I may never solve. Just had to get all the thoughts bouncing around in my skull out. Now to nothing but classical music in my ears and the word document in front of my eyes. Happy schooling to you, I hope you're having better luck than me tonight. More to come later when I'm back on track. Goodnight!


Here's somewhere I'd rather be tonight: the Gap of Dunloe, County Kerry, Ireland. When I was here, oh my gosh. "The most beautiful place I've ever been" was literally said and meant.



Not my photo; too lazy to go dig it up, plus I should be doing my paper anyway...
(http://blog.discoverireland.com/2010/12/the-ring-of-kerry-a-guided-tour/gap-of-dunloe/)

Oh, what a beautiful morning

Good morning! The sleep hasn't completely left my eyes, but I'm up early to take my sister to school and do homework. However, the morning is mine. Mornings are often underrated, taken for granted as we rush off to school or work. Few have the luxury to just sit by a window with a cup of coffee and look out at the sun filtering through the green leaves, only reaching the ground here and there and making the dew sparkle. This is one of my favorite times: the grass is still wet, there is still a chill in the air, but the sunlight is warm on your face and the air is still with the promise of a nice day to come.
In other news, fall is finally on its way, and oh how I've missed it. Last year fall was shortened due to an extended rainy period which rid the trees of their leaves too quickly. However, we should be in for a beautiful show of foliage in the coming months. It is very chilly today, but I love it. Last night, due to the chill, I was able to put a heavy comforter over my usual fleece blanket and thin quilt, and the heaviness and warmth of the blankets provided a heavy restful sleep. I cannot wait for the coziness that comes with autumn and winter. Hot cider, fires in our old-fashioned woodstove, sweaters, thick socks, fleece blankets! That's why I love autumn so much: the feeling of warmth inside against the chill outside as everything prepares for the quiet cold of winter. I have a favorite book from childhood which told of the progression through the seasons at a farm, and its pictures and descriptions of fall and winter are always what I think of when I imagine those seasons. Every now and then I like to look back through my favorite books from childhood while curled up in a blanket in fall or winter. There is nothing so comforting as that. I may be legally an adult, but there's nothing wrong with still being a child every now and again. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Here's that light filtering through the trees that I described:

(I took this photo with Instagram, it is property of moi. Eventually I'll put my profile name up on here for y'all if you want to follow.)
I hope your day was light :)

Only the Beginning...

Hello! Well, this is my first blog ever, and I'm not quite sure how to go about it haha. Let me introduce myself: I'm Jane, an 18 year old college freshman from Pennsylvania. I love reading, photography, art, music, travel, and the outdoors. I've been meaning to start a blog for ages, and tonight provided some empty time, so here we are! Currently, I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm not your average 18 year old. I have dreams of travel, seeing and helping in all parts of the world. In the summer of 2009, I had the incredible opportunity to travel abroad to England, Wales, Ireland, Northern Ireland, and Scotland. Since getting that first taste of life abroad, I have craved more every day. Seriously, at any time, you could ask me, and I'll be thinking about a location. I'm kind of in my own world that way.
 That's actually the reason for the title of my blog (To Those Who Will See). That line is from a book, The Sweet, Far Thing by Libba Bray. In it, a character says to another: "To those who will see, the world waits." That quote just spoke to me, because it is so true. There is such beauty all around us, if only we truly open our eyes to see it. Now, like any teenager, or any person really, that's not to say that I don't have down days where I want nothing but to leave my location and go anywhere else, or that sometimes I'm not satisfied with what's around me. Trust me, I know that I've lived a good life and am very blessed. But sometimes it's hard to remember that. However, this isn't going to be some deep mopey thing. This is going to be somewhere for me to express all that pent-up want and creativity and emotion for a more colorful life than I have here. I'll do that through writing, fashion, and photography. This will be half an online diary, half a creative outlet of a more polished nature than I show every day. So, cheers to new beginnings, and to life!